its been a while..

Its been over six months since I wrote a blog on here..I think it maybe time to just stop writing them and just get a personal journal for myself.
But alot of things has changed since June 3rd haha..A lot of major ups and downs..But more downs than anything for the past couple months. First, William and I spilt up like three months ago. That has seriously torn me up..I thought that would have never happened but it did..I knew something was wrong in october but he wouldn't tell me..then I find out that he wanted to spilt up a few days later. It was an agreeable breakup..I'm getting over it the best way and as fast as possible..its just very hard for  me because I have all of those feelings still for him. I'm still hope that one day him and I will be able to work out once we sort out our issuses.Because I want what we had back so much, he made me extremely happy and I've never felt this way towards anyone in my life. I just hope he will realize once I do start changing. I made a commitment to myself and I'm going to work hard at it. As for now, I just have to work on myself.
Second of all, I did move out of my moms house..I'm currently looking for a place. I'm still looking in monroe since its close to school and work. I'm thinking by April (by the latest) I should have my own place. I'm actually looking at some places right now and pricing them haha. The one place didn't work out, but that isn't going to stop me..I'm just going to keep on looking since that wasn't meant to be. I'm hoping one of these other places will work out though since they are my last option ahah.
Third, I guess this is more on a lighter note. I'm returning to school in the spring time. I'm nervous to, but I'm so ready to get my life in order. I'm 20 years old, my main goal is to finish school in about 7 years. I'm hoping it will work out how I want it to..

Other than that, Its almost time to get ready for work.

A penny for my thoughts.



For the past couple days I have been kind of upset/sad. I honestly don't know why. It feels like somethings just have made me come to my breaking point and I just need to get them out. I don't think I'm depressed. I just been moody lately, I'll be happy for a while then something will happen and it will make me upset. The other night I cried myself to sleep, seems kinda pathetic huh? I just don't know if i'm moody because of my time of the month is coming up soon, I just really don't know. I decided to write a blog, hopefully this will help get some things off my chest. Where should I start? Well, I been feeling a bit distant from William, I'm not sure why either. (maybe its just me?) We haven't talked much today, just a couple texts here and there. But I think he really just wants to spend time with his mom. But something happened a couple weeks ago between him and I and it was a huge shot to my confidence. I'm not going to go in to detail as to what did happen, but I will talk about somethings. I went through his phone one morning, which I NEVER do because I always trusted him. I found him talking to his ex..and some things were said and it made me feel like a complete idiot! They were talking shit to each other something along the lines of "ohh you wish I didn't have a girlfriend so you can be with me" and then it kindof turned into him asking her for a photo of her and she kept saying "will you have a girlfriend." but the woman sent him a photo, yes it was of just her face..but still...After reading everything I just sat there in shock..I honestly couldn't believe it. I started to cry and feel like an idiot. I honestly couldn't look at him..I just didn't want to be around him. I called Katie and started crying some more and he came running into the room with a look on his face like "oh my god! whats going on!?" I got off the phone and started yelling at him..He honestly doesn't know how horrible that made me feel. It was such a HUGE shot to my ego, made me keep asking myself "what does he really think of me?", "does he even want to be with me?" I honestly still don't trust him fully...I can't..at least not right now..After a long talk with thim the next night, I decided to take him back and to work things out. I told him to never, ever speak to her again and to delete her off his facebook. He did. He kept saying that he's willing to do whatever it takes to show me that he wants to be with me...I believe in my heart that one day I will be able to fully trust him again..I just don't know when that will happen. I know its going to take time for me to fully get over this too. I would love for things to be back the way they were, but it won't be the same for a while. I know it won't...Its just going to take us time.

Honestly, I know I don't have much confidence to begin with. But this just truly hurt me. Being told I'm fat, I need to lose weight, I'm ugly..and being compared to my sister my entire life really hasn't made it any better. I honestly don't think I'm that pretty, I still think I should lose at least 10 to 15 more pounds..I'm hoping one day I will gain more confidence than I have now.

I really just have been in a mood for the past week. I don't know why. I haven't really been this sad in a while..and I just really want to know why!

ON THE BETTER SIDE;;

I finally got a new car! I got a '07 Chevy Cobalt and its all white. I absoluetly love this car. Its so much better than my old one ahaha! Plus its more reliable than the mustang too, which is the good thing. I have just been working and such, nothing too new really. I'm not really sure what else to put in this blog either...Hmm..I'm kind of in a blah mood right now. I think i'm just gonna stop writing this one and keep on watching movies for the rest of the night ahahha! The Time Travler's wife is on, I watched this movie a couple weekends ago, its so sad. But its a good movie though. The Notebook was on earlier. I seriously am in love with that movie. Its just so romantic and such a good story too. I want to read that book and the time travler's wife too..I plan to buy them very soon so I can start to read them. I should clean Pheobe's cage too, it needs to be done ahaha..I'll do that in a little bit. Speaking of her, she's doing well, she's getting big too! She's a growing girlie. The other day when I had her downstairs and I was at work she fell off of her perch ahahahhaha! I wish I was there to see it..Amanda said she was falling asleep and sliding down it and fell off of it ahah! awe the good thing is that she's okay though.

I have a great idea for Will's birthday! I am so excited for it too! His birthday is next sunday (June 10th) He will be turning the big 23!! Andrew and I are surprising him with a dinner on saturday night and then taking him to the bar to hang with friends and party for his birthday. He doesn't know anything about it and we are trying to keep it that way! I plan on buying him a new hat which Andrew is helping me pick it out, because Will is very picky about them and my second gift is the computer game Diablo 3. He will be super stoked when he gets them. I think it will make his day because he's been wanting this game for a long time. I know he will be happy after it all happens. I'm super happy to be doing it for him too! I'm actually excited and can't wait until then either.

Well I think i'm going to get off of here and relax for the rest of the night.

G'nighttt<3



Change of plans..

Well, today is the day I was supposed to be jumping for joy about getting this new car..well that didn't happen. Its complete bullshit how that car place did this whole procedure..its just ridiculous. Now, two weeks ago I went in there and this guy said "Oh you will be getting this car (08 dodge caliber) and all I need is proof of insurance and then another 500$ down then the car is yours. We all agreed on it and so did the manager. Well, last week I blew my whole check on this damn car insurance, mind you, I don't even own the car yet! ..I got the insurance all settled and then called the guy thursday and made sure that they got everything faxed over there and the guy said yes and that we will see him tomorrow (friday)..
Well, today came..and I'm all geeked up because I'm getting a freaking new car and it just didn't happen. The manager (jake) came out and said, "well there is a slight change in plans..the caliber got sold last week..but we will find you a car today." then he walked away.
My mom and I just sat there looking at each other like "what the hell?..really?!" Sooo, the manager came out saying he had this O4 Pontiac Grand Am (just like my sisters car & thats sitting in our garage all broke) We walked to the back of the dealership and there it was, same body style like my sister's and everything. I looked at mom and she just was shaking her head.
The guy was all stoked about it and trying to push us into buying it. Mom looked at me and I was just all annoyed with everything at that point and she looked back at the manager and said "No, she's not going to be paying a $320 car payment for a piece of shit like this." and he just at us all appauled and he looked at me I said "No, I don't want this car. I am not paying that either." then He said "Well there is this Chevy Cobalt, but nothing is finalized yet and thats all I can tell you." ..My mom looked at me and said "well sis, what do you want to do..?" I stood there stairing at the car and back at her and said "Well, lets just wait. If I can get the cobalt, cool. If not, then no." So we walked back to my mustang and stood there. The manager just took off because "he had other sales to take care of"...I thought that was bullshit. He shouldn't have just walked away. You're the dang manager! what the hell.
It was pointless, I just stood there..Yes I wouldn't mind taking the dang cobalt, I've always wanted one..but I did not like how that guy treated my mom and I. So, after she asked me what I would like to do again, I just said lets get out of here and figure something else out. We got into my car and this other sales man ran up to us asking if everything is okay and what all happened. We explained to him how the manager treated us and said it was unacceptable. He said "I know that was rude of him, but let me see what I can do. I'll do my homework see what we can do and figure something out for you okay?" We agreed and I gave him my number. He said he will call within an hour. Still haven't heard from him yet. I need to call Geico tomorrow and get that policy cancelled. This is just ridiculous. I best get remburst my money..thats all I'm saying.

I've been super aggervated all day today. I wasn't happy with the out come that happened. I was really looking foward to a new car. But my mom and I talked about it the whole ride home and she said "Sis, it just wasn't meant to be. Dont' worry, someday it will all work out for you. Trust me"....But she does have a point there. I believe that one day it will work out for me, I just hope its sometime soon. I don't like relying on anyone to take me to a place or pick me up from somewhere. I just dont like it. I've always been an independent person who does stuff on thier own..But I'm just going to have to suck it up. I have a wonderful boyfriend (William) Who is willing to take me to and from places with no questions asked. I really appriecate what he has done for me within the past couple of weeks. I cannot thank him enough. He's truely an amazing person, inside and out. I am very blessed to have him in my life. He's means the world to me<3

Anywho, Sooo! My plan is to wait a little bit longer. Get everything figured out at home and all sorted out. Then save up a little bit for a down payment and then just go search for a car. I'm hoping this will work...if it doesn't..I'm not sure what else to do! sheesh. Also, keep building my credit up too!
Hmm...I dunno. My mom has a friend who works at Dick Genthe Chevy and I'm hoping maybe he can help us out with something..If that happens, I may be able to get a cobalt or a used sonic! woo! I would love to get that car, its such a cute one :)
Well I'm not going to get my hopes up anytime soon. Well I should get off of here, I am surprising (kinda) will a "thank-you" dinner tonight. I need to get to the grocery store to get a couple of things hehe..even though he kinda knows about it. But I think it would be a nice thing to do. Its something I'm doing for him for all the things he has done for me in the past nine months while together :))

Friday the 13th who?

I was feeling lucky.

This past month everything couldn't have been better! As for starters, I will be getting a new car (finally!) next friday. Its an 'o8 dodge caliber, its a cute little car. Its kindof a mix of a suv//sedan which I find kinda neat. Plus its good in the snow and its veryyyyy nice inside. I can't wait!! I have waited sooo long to get a new car! Now I can finally sport a new car! yay!

Work has been going great, I'm actually working today..yes, too bad its a saturday. But oh well, I need the money and it wouldn't hurt to work an extra day since I did have monday off this week. It was nice having a day off, but not getting a 40 hour check just sucks &' I really need that money right now.

School is almost over! I have just a couple more weeks to go. I'm just hoping I pass this course, this class really sucked! It was bad, I think it was just because I had to learn it by myself, with no help from a teacher. Plus, no lecture in a classroom wasn't helpful either. But I am trying hard to pass this class, I do not want to fail it! I will be taking the spring/summer semester off- i really didn't want to either- But we had too. We couldn't get our tax infomation back in-time so we could do fasfa paperwork before the deadline. So we decided to take the spring//summer semester off. I thought it was best though, because I couldn't afford to pay for this semester, I know that forsure. Oh well, I will be fersurely going back in the Fall time though &' just keep chuckin' along. I hope it all works out though.

Other than getting a new car, I am excited because I maybe getting another chinchilla! Yes, I already have one, she's a precious little thing. I love her dearly! She is sooo beautiful too! She's like a light grey color, but has a purple//blueish tint to her. The lady at the pet store said shes a "Lavendar" color one. I was so excited when I bought her, I have been wanting one of these bad boys ever since I was little. Now, I finally got one! I couldn't be anymore happier either. But back to me getting another one. Andrew (will's friend) has two of them - Pikachu & Frankenstine - They are super adorable. But Pikachu keeps getting preggos and having still borns :( and He asked me the other day if I would like to take Pikachu so she can stop getting preggos and havn't problems. I told him "heck yes I would! I wouldn't mind taking her at all". So, my plan is to get a bigger cage for them and then move in Pikachu. Pikachu is a little older than Pheobe though, She's bigger too! ahah But she's a gorge too, Pikachu is a dark grey color one, with darker markings and she is just too adorable. I would love to take her! I can't wait until I get her though, I think Pheobe will be happy to get a little playmate too, I think she maybe bored by her self all the time.

Hmm, I think I should get ready for work now, its like 12:30 and I'm sure william would want to leave a bit early again like he did yesterday! ahah Well I know this is a short post, but oh well! I will write more like next week or so :)

have a good day beauties!<3

Rain, rain go away!

Today is such a yucky day! ewie. I would like it more if I were going to sleep and able to listen to the rain so I can sleep...Now that would be lovely! But it just makes everyone gloomyyy! But I'm actually in a wonderful mood, which I am very happy about! woo!
I have been laid off for a week and its been very nice. I haven't took the time to actually relax and enjoy a day off in forever! I feel as if I took off some stress on me and I feel better. I'm not saying all stress has gone away, there is still a big chunk still there, but its going away slowly. Maybe I should take up some yoga classes? ahahha um. i'll think about that later.

Monday, I went and hungout with Ms. Katie and my handsome nephew Ethan (: ! I had a great time with them. It was a very relaxed day with them. It took us three hours to watch a movie! ahahahhaha! oh my gosh, that is just hilarious! We watched Valentine's Day: best movie ever in a long time!That is seriously my new fave movie! LOVESIT! Ethan is growing up sooo fast! He's already one years old! He is sooo handsome! I wish I had a photo of him, I would post it up! :( next time I go over there I plan to take some photos of us three<3
Tuesday and Wednesday I sat at home and just relaxed all day. It was very nice having a day off since I haven't in a long time! I have been working 10 or 12 hour shifts for the past couple weeks, its been very dang stressful on me.
Thursday My mom, sister and I went to go see our sista-sue Alyssa and our new beautiful niece Symphani Ann<3 ;;I am soooo happy for Alyssa and Tiffini. I missed them soo freakin' much! It was so nice just sitting there and being able to catch up with them since we haven't seen them in a long time. Symphani Ann is so pretty, I am so happy that I actually got to meet her yesterday.
Friday (which is today) I sit here at home just relaxing with the family. It is such a yucky day, its been raining for a couple hours now oh yay! the downside when its raining is that the roof leaks :( ugh..we need a new roof ahahah! Oh well, one day we will. I'm not sure what else I'm gonna do today, William will be coming over later, I hope his doctors appointment goes well. He's going to a specialist today about his back. I just hope it goes well because I know he's nervous about it. But I'll just see how it went when he comes over later.

Everything is getting better for me and my family now, stuff is getting put in place and I am happy about that. I am very confident about the whole house situation and that nothing bad is gonna happen. I am extremely excited to be getting a new car in a couple months! YES! I said it..NEW CAR! and I am for real this time! I have been building my credit since december and in July (probably on my birthday) I will go pick out a car for myself. I am so happy! But I also am so indecisive about which one I want! Its still between a Mazda3 and Ford Focus...I just don't know which one I want. I have time to figure out what I actually want. But I know that I want the outside color white or black and the inside all black. Ahahha! that is the only thing I have set on.
Hmm..I have big ol' plans for the future. Once this house thing is over, I am gonna work on myself as in working out, hard and getting healthy. I am getting there, its just taking time. But stress does not help me when I'm tryiing to get fit. But my plan is to finally get a gym membership and go 5 times a week and keep doing it until mid-july. Then see where I am at, then take it down a notch just to stay fit. I am happy with myself now, but still looking in the mirror and still not extremely happy with myself, I want to change that. So I do plan to do that and actually stay with it. { My haters are my motivation ;; fuck them all! }
Well, those are my two goals for now. and I think that is it. I have more to say..but it all is the same stuff over and over ahahah! Oh well.

Off to relax some more! woo!

I am truely one VERY happy woman!

So, this blog is mainly for my amazing boyfriend William. For the past 6 months I have been with him and its been amazing. I have never felt this way towards anyone in my life..its crazy and I like it alotttt! I just love everything about the kid, he's a gentlemen towards me, has manners, he's super caring, family orienated, ONE VERY SEXY MAN, his smile, his laugh, his eyes are just gorgeous, his body is amazing, how he hugs me is just so one of a kind (he gives amazing hugs) , his kisses, his lips, how he can make me laugh (all the time), his walk, how he is always there when I need him most, gives me advice when I need it, how he supports me in whatever I do, ..the list just goes on and on about what I like about him.

We met in such a wierd way..its just wierd. My mom was on press side (at our work) and she was talking to him about me thinking he was one very sexy man..and he said well give your daughter my phone number and we can talk (hahah) ...well I didn't text him, I got nervous and was like uhhhhh i'm scurred...so after the weekend he saw my mom and asked what happened, she told him and he said well just give her my number..so an hour into the work shift (after my mom told me what all happened) I got a text from him and we talked for the whole day about everything. That night we talked on the phone about different things, like what I am into, what do I do for fun, what music I like and other random things he wanted to know. The next day at work we finally talked face to face. I was so nervous talking to him..I kept blushing like crazy whenever we would talk to each other! I felt silly.

A week or so later we finally hungout with eachother (outside of work) and we talked for more hour and hours in my kitchen about anything and everything. then when the night was ending we walked out on the porch to say goodbye to eachother..we had thee MOST amazing hug I have ever got from someone..it just felt like something sparked inside of me and it was a feeling I really cannot describe..it was truely amazing. How close we were together, how everything just was, I didn't care about anything happening around us...all I cared about was what was happening on that porch between us. ...then no kiss happened.. ahahhaha! ...we talked about it that night and he said "I wanted to kiss you but Iwas so scared/nervous so I walked away, I wanted to turn around and walk back up that driveway and kiss you..but I was scared"

but then a couple days later we hung out and had that first kiss between us..and it was amazing as well..it was just very sloppy since we didn't know eachothers technique of kissing ahaha! but after two hours of kissing eachother it got better and better.

Now, we have been together for 6 months now and it has been nothing but amazing! I honestly mean that though. I have never been this happy with someone in my life time..I am so happy with him and our relationship and how it is and where its going. I love it! I love how we can just lay there without saying anything and still feel that spark between us. Its crazy I still get butterflies when I first see him or when I get a text from him or a kiss or a hug from him. I like how I can be myself around him and he's himself around me..I am truely comfortable with him! I am so comfortable with him because I can fall asleep in his arms and wake up the next morning in the same position. He is truely an amazing person to me and my family and that is all I want. I wanted to find a man and I did! and I am truely satisfied mentally and physically by him. I wouldn't ask for anything better! He is the best I have ever had! (; && I loCk him very very much!<3

my life, tattoos & piercings

So I am bored and it is 1:15 am on a Sunday night/Monday morning ahah! and I am watching my favorite movie of all (kindof) Into the Blue<3... I decided to write a blog. I'm sure it will be just me rambling but whatevs.
First of all, everything is going pretty well in my life right now. The family situations are getting better, we aren't fighting constantly anymore..just here and there..which is good. It isn't so stressful either..somewhat. Everything is going pretty good though. I am so blessed to have a family so loving && caring like mine! I love them so much. It has always been us three no matter what! I am truely blessed<3

School is going good..I guess..this will be my second week..But I don't care for my English teacher..its just how he talks/types to people..he seems like a complete douche bag. But i'm hoping I will pass this semester..I am going to try my freaking hardest to pass this semester..Everything is pretty easy though, we are learning about commas, colons and other grammar stuff like that ahhaa! I actually just got done with some homework too!

Will and I are doing wonderful! I am super duper happy with him. He an amazing boyfriend. We have been together for 6 months now, it has been thee best 6 months everrrrrr! I have never felt this way with anyone before, I mean like forreal, I have NEVER EVER felt this way before..Is it weird I STILL get butterflies when I get a call, text, hug, kiss from him, and even when I just see him. Its insane! ahaha..He drives me nuts but in a GOOD way. I am so attracted to him physically and mentally as well, he is truely one of a kind.I love everything about the kid. He is so kind-hearted but also he looks like a tough guy. Hes my sexy tough guy<3 He supports me in whatever it is I do and listens when I need him most. When I'm feeling upset or sad..he's always there to make me smile or give me a hug. I am truely blessed to have someone like him around. I am so thankful and glad to be with someone like him..He's so amazinggg<3

Do you know what time it is? oh yes..its rambling time! woo!
So I got my nails done! I haven't got them done in ages! They look sooo cuteee! I love going to kiss nails and getting them done, they are so quick too! its insane. But everyone is so nice there too! and they aren't too crazy in prices which I like. I feel more like a woman when I get my nails done..it makes me feel confident about myself too. I dont' really know why..I just love getting them done!
so i'm thinking about getting a new tattoo and piercing...I already told you about my next tattoo what I plan on getting very soon..but I have been thinking (for quite some time now) - to get my nipples pierced. I'm not saying both..maybe just one..or maybe both. I'm not really sure. But I think it would be kinda exciting/sexy if I got them done..not gonna lie! I've been thinking about it for a couple months now..but I am very nervous to get them done fersure. I think it would be exciting to get them done..but I am nervous on how much they will hurt :0 its kindof scary...having a needle being shoved through your nipple...ouchhh! ahah I think I can handle it..I just might be a nervous reck..maybe.
What do you think about a girl with nipple piercings?
Hmmm...I'm going to think about it more before I (if i do) go for it.

Hmmm...Well I think i'm going to get off of here. Good night barbz<3

HAPPY NEW YEAR ;;2012 BAYBEYY

HAPPY NEW YEAR LOVES!! 2012 BAYBEYY<3
I am so wowed by the fact that its already 2012, its insane. It was like yesterday I was a little kid and the big hype was the millenium coming up. Time has flown by so quicklyyy! I seriously cannot believe it.
Anywho, So I know everyone is saying "NEW YEAR = NEW ME" also, I know I said it too..I'm NOT changing who I am as a person, I love the way I am. I'm just changing how I look and a little tweeks of myself. I want to change somethings about my body, I know within the past couple years I've lost alot of weight, I know I have a very curvy body and I love that about me! Its just who I am. Curves on a woman is sexy! (just sayinnn') But Honestly I love my body, I just want to tone up and lose maybe 5 to 10 more pounds, but mainly I just want to tone up. I'm kindof thinking trying the whole weight watchers online? I'm looking into it, but I'm not so sure if I should do it or not aha.
So my new years resolution is to just be me & make myself happy! I want to feel good about myself and not look at myself like "ew this is me" No, I am fersurely changing that about myself.

What has been going on with my life? Well, all I have been doing is going to school and working. Nothing too new with me right now actually. Work has been going great! I got my pay raise and I've been trying to work as much as I can:) I'm trying to make extra money for myself and to help out my madre' with the house situations and shanigans we have going on ahaha. School went pretty well the first semester. I passed my Computers class with an A but my Math I didn't pass it..I failed! :( I am kindof upset by it, but I plan on taking it again in the spring semester and I am GOING TO PASS THIS DAMN TIME! the thing that pisses me off about it, is that you had to get at least an 80% on everything, homework/tests..I did! but these two tests I retook, I kept failing..I thought we had one more day of the semester..I didn't know that that monday was the last day of it..I was very upset..I almost cried :( Oh well..I plan to pass and I will work extra hard on my work if I need to for my up coming classes/semesters. I am NOT failing again! Class starts January 6th, I am taking an online class..so hopefully it will be a tad bit easier..also its English. I'm pretty good at English too.

As for my new car, its coming along! c: I am so excited!! I just started building my credit with my credit card my Aunt Lori got for me through her bank. I am so happy that she helped me out trying to get one! Things are working out, slowly but surely. I have been thinking which car though. I'm not sure if I should get a Mazda3 (11 or 12) or a (11 or 12) Ford Focus. I love both cars, they are super cute!I'm just not so sure which to get. My plan is to go on my birthday and get one, it will be a big ol' birthday gift from me to myself! YAY ME! I'm just too excited to think throughly which one to get. I think I need to do more research ;)

I'm getting a new tattoo, veryy soon! I am super excited! once I get my taxes done, I plan on taking some of that to get my next one done. I am getting "and this too, shall pass" on my side in cursive handwriting! I cannot wait to get it..I'm kindof nervous though..it will be somehwat on my ribs..and I herd that kinda hurts a bit EEK :0 !!!! But oh well, I'm gonna be a trooper and just go for it! Just give me a hand to hold and a straw to chew on, I'll be set :) or some gum to chew, that helps too ;) ahhaha
Well I think this is it for this blog! I'm gonna go cuddle up in my blankies and watch storage wars! i'm in relax mode for the rest of the night! c:

GOODNIGHT LOVES! and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

New year = New me !

The new year is coming up quickly, in my eyes. Its time for a new me! I have big plans for this new year. First, getting fit! I'm almost there but I need to push myself more to lose the rest of this weight and get healthy! Second, I plan on changing my hair color to a redish brown color (like Tracy Dimarco from Jerseylicious) I'll be dying it soon though because I want the color for the holidays :) I think it would be very different, and I like being different. I'm not sure what else to do, but I've been thinking about moving out. I think it would be good for me to move out after everything gets situated with my family and this household. But that's a big maybe, I'll have to keep thinking more about it. -long and hard!-

Third, I'm getting a new car! I am thinking on getting a new one. I'm probably going to talk to my papa to be a co-signer if I need one. I just would love to get a mazda3, they are gorgeous! and they get good gas mileage. I'm going to try to save up as much money as I can (after these taxes) for a downpayment on a car. I really need a new car..my car is getting on its last leg very soon :(

I am just hoping everything will work out..

I've been kindof stressed out for a month now. My family keeps agrueing with me, apparently I talk down to them and shit. I try to be nice to them all the time, it just gets aggervating when I have to support 4 people and I can't really enjoy my own money because I'm too busy taking care of everyone else. I am sick of agruing with them! I am so annoyed with it..and too stressed about it. Its too much for a 19 year old to handle!! Its too much, and I feel like I am the adult in this family..I shouldn't be acting like a parent towards them..but it gets annoying when no one is trying except for me. Its just too much for me to worry about..I am just sick of it. Apparently, I need to see a doctor because my mother thinks there is something wrong with me. I'm sorry I'm not going to see a doctor for them to just keep me medicated on something to keep me happy..I can be happy without fucking medicine! Sorry, I'm not everyone else in this world. Its annoying when someone says "i think you need to see a doctor because I THINK there is something wrong with you"...just because I didn't say good morning one day..or if I say something wrong to them..apparently I'm crazy! Its just irritating..

Well, its time for me to get ready for work..maybe hhaa. I just needed to vent, since everyone is kindof mad at me right now, so I can't really talk to them about how I feel. AHH! Hopefully today will turn out to be a better day..rather than it started out to be.

Hope everyone has a wonderful tuesdayy!<3

Turning over a new leaf..

Everything has been going very well, well sorta. I've just been working all the time and going to school part time. Nothing too new ahha!

I've decided to change a couple things that is going on with thee fam and these little agruments we've been having. Its really annoying agruing half of the day, everyday too! Its stressing me out super bad. And its all because they don't get thier way..I'm sorry I'm not your parent, i'm not going to take care of you like your my kid. I care about them? yes. I love them? yes. But I will not be treated like I am a parent and they are the irreponseable kids. I'm sorry, I'm not fucking doing it, thanks

Phew..

Anywho, a more nicer subject..I'm going to start working out again..I really need too! I need to finish getting into great shape, I'm debating whether to join a gym or just do it at home again..I'm probably just going to end up doing it at home again..I want to lose another 10 to 15 lbs. But i'm thinking more of just ten lbs because I'm a curvy person and I want to keep my volumptous curves! oh yeah! :)

I really need a haircut..the ends are so freaking dead..its insane. I'm going to have to wait a couple weeks then I'll be able to. Then I'm going to dye it again..I loved it when it was that natural black color, it looked gorge on me! (not being too concieted :p)

I absoluetly love my EVO! its an amazing phone..Its the best phone I have ever had! I loves it, a lot! :)

err'tang with thee boyfran is going very well. I'm super happy with him. He's really amazingg in every shape, way and form. He just makes me soo freakin' happy (: I loCk him very muchh!!

I'm excited to have this Halloween party in a couple of weeks..its going to be fun! I'm dressing up as a "gudiette" but its a mixure of Tracy and Oliva from Jerseylicious! I'm super excited..I be getting my nails did, and getting some hair extensions..oh yeah! higher the hair the more you're closer to heaven - tracy dimarco; ahahhaha!

well anywho, I'm going to get off of here and just drink my coffee!

have a great day loves!

Monsters vs. Aliens with some chocolate milkk

Hello loves'!

So much has been going on! well no not really..just trying to start this post out interesting..um can we say fail?

I gots me a new phone! I switched to sprint yesterday (saturday) and I got the EVO 4g! w00t! I love this phone..its pretty amazing!! I know the new one is the EVO 3d..but I decided to go with the older EVO (like my original plan) & I'm glad I did! I love it! ahh! I'm so happy I got it!

Oh yea! thats me in my pjs with mah new phone! ahahaha..yea I am totally not cool. But I really do like the phone, I highly suggest for you kiddos to get it even though its a year old..But I don't care about that :)

School is going great! No problems there. I am doing pretty good in my classes...the only one I don't really like is the computers class..the teacher like races through the stupid chapter and its just annoying how fast he goes..WE HAVE TIME! Jeesh. he needs to take a chill pill or something jeez oh peets. Other than that nothing too crazy is going on there. I'm just glad I am going..I cannot wait until I finish school and finally become what I've always wanted in life. ahh just a couple more years of schooling then I'll be good to go!

Will and I are still together :D he makes me so happy! OH MY GOD!! Words cannot describe how he makes me so happy..I cannot stop smiling when I'm around him or when I'm talking to him. Its just such an amazing feeling..I have never felt this way towards anyone...He makes me so happy, I love it! We had an amazing weekend this past weekend, we didn't do much but I'm just glad that we spent some time together..we needed it! Today (sunday) we watched the football game and just kindof cuddled all day. It was very relaxing, I liked it. It was a very nice day!

I yet haven't got a new car yet..BUT! there is hope for me getting a ford focus. A guy a work with is willing to sell it to me its an 09' ford focus (what i've always wanted) and its in great shape..just the only thing is that he's waiting for his mom to give him a answer on her truck (what he wants really bad!) and only if he gets her truck then he will sell me his car..but if he doesn't get her truck then I will have to figure out another way to get a new car...I'm hoping that I can get this car because it would be amazing if I could..I just got to keep praying and hoping that I will be able to get it...Keeping my fingers crossed!

Right now its almost 11:30 pm...on a sunday night..I am watching that Monsters vs. Aliens movie that came out a while ago..its a little animated movie..its cute. I actually like it plus its funny! ahah I just ate me a reese's cup..its was pretty amazing, now I'm drinking a glass of chocolate milk and seeing if I needed to do any homework, I don't think I needed to so yea!

I found me a couple pair of boots I really want, I'm buying a pair of riding boots next week, just a little present for me..plus I want to do a little shopping-maybe- next week as well..It depends though. But I am fersurely buying them boots! I want them in a light brown color plus a dark brown/black color too..I'm excited for that.

I really am enjoying my day off..I worked six days this week - oh yea overtime!- I'm a bit happy for the pay check..just a little more tired than usual..I think I am going to lay down very soon so I can get some rest before school also these cramps are killing meeee :( cramps suck! blahhhhh!

Well G'night loves'!!!!<33

monster and a mr. goodbar :*

So last friday I started school, it was interesting..my sister and I only had one class that day and it was together but we got lost! ahahah! it was hilarious..we were walking around this building looking for our classroom and we couldn't find it for the life of us..We finally did though, and it was a short class. I liked it though. It was my math class and all we did was take a pre test then we were out of that biaotch! ahah. The teacher was pretty nice..well she seemed like it which is cool. I am only taking two classes (math 090 and computers) oh chyea! Tomorrow I will have both of my classes..i'm kindof nervous though. Its kindof scary at a big ol' place you don't know where to go! ahah but I'll be alright.

Its a nice change and I like it. Its completely different from high school thats fersure! I like it alot though.

I will soon be getting a new car!!! I'm looking at monte carlo's, cobalts, and ford focus'. I'm debating which one to get but I'm still not sure..plus I need to save up some more moneyy..I just don't know which one to get..I really like the monte carlo's but also I really like the cobalts and focus' as well..so I dunno...I'll figure it out soon I just don't know which to get just yet ya know?

I don't really know if this blog will make much sense..I'm just talking about whatever pops up in my head and just go with the flow mannnn!!! Oh jeesh.

There isn't much going on in my life other than school and work plus some quality time with the boyfrann. speaking of Will, everything is going great between us. I am truely soooo happy being with him..I haven't felt this way in...well I actually never felt this way with someone before..I really really like him and he's just an amazing person. I love his personality, how he looks, his eyes, his smexy hair and body..the main thing is how he treats me. I really like how we both understand eachother so well and we are always there for one another. Its so nice to actually have someone who doesn't critize you for what you choose to do or what goes on in thier life..its wonderful to have someone who understands what you are going through as well. The only thing is is that since now I started school its going to mess up our time together, but we will figure it out! I am such a happy woman with him..he's one of a kind and I really like him. Last night we went out to the hookah bar with some friends, it was very fun. I like going to the hookah bar with a bunch of people. Then after that we went to his friend Andrew's house for a bit and hungout and got our partayy on for a bit then we came back to my house. I really like laying and waking up next to him. He's the only person I know that I can actually stay cuddling for the whole night and wake up the next day and still be in the same position ahha! I'm just so comfortable with him..I like it!♥

I honestly love how my life is going right now. I wouldn't ask for anything more! I am truely blessed to have the ones I have in my life right now. Everything is going into place and its working out for me..which I am very happy!!

Well...I think I am done rambling about random stuff now aha I think I am going to go take a shower and maybe get ready..but maybe not then just relax for the rest of the day..I maybe able to see my love tonight...I hope so! (:

life is good!♥

what to do about this 'do..?

I honestly do not know what to do with my hair..I really miss my side bangs but I also like how my hair is now..hmm...i don't know! :/

..NO BANGS..?

..BANGS?..

Hmm...I don't know what to do...I need some suggestions! HELP ME!!

I am a very happy woman!♥

Soo..I am loving my life right now! I am so thankful for everything that has been happening and how everything is turning out to be. I have a great job, starting school in the fall and a wonderful new love! :)

It feels so good to have all my stuff in order and I am truley blessed♥

So as you know i've been talking to this lovely guy named will, we just started dating (july 16th, 2011) and it feels very nice. I am so comfortable with him and I am really starting to really really like him haha. But it feels so nice to actually have someone who really does like you for you and is caring. I feel this relationship has a lot of potential, which is a good thing!

The past couple of days has been nice. I have this whole week off, I'm so glad its this week..its going to be so humid and gross at work..I feel bad for momma and everyone there! Today, I am going to go hangout with miss katie eno, I miss her and ethan so freaking much!! I'm excited!! I'm not really sure what we will do but we both have lots to catch up on! Then i'll be relaxing tomorrow but then thursday Amanda and I will be heading over to meg-pie's for a girlie day. Ahhh a pool sounds amazing right now! I haven't been swimming at all this summer..that isn't me! normally I go at least every week to the wave pool or something..I love the wave pool! I miss the wave pool...maybe this weekend we can go? ahah who knows.

I am truely debating whether to get my side bangs again..I love my friend sam's hair, its so cute! and now I'm thinking that I want them again..hmm...like I've been wanting my hair long for the longest time and i don't really know if I should keep my middle part and long hair or if I should cut it short and get my deep side bangs back..ahhh! such a dilemma!!! this sucks. Oh well..I'll figure it out soon...maybe! aha!

I am honestly so ready to get a new car! I want to save up at least $5000 or $6000 for it..maybe even more and I have some other ideas for the money too..it will help us out tremdously! I'm hoping everything turns out how I want it to be!

Hmmm..i think thats about it. I just wanted to give you guys an update with my life! ahah and I'm loving it!♥

Happy Birthday to mee!♥

So, today is my birthday!! Woohoo! I cannot believe I am 19 years old already. Its crazy!! I plan to celebrate it with mi familia this weekend, mmm mexican food! I'm thinking of going to los colanas (I'm not sure if I spelled it right, but oh well) or Mi Publeo. I have been waiting for this day for months now! ahaha! I am so excited to just go out to eat with my momma and my sister! Its been a while since we actually gone out to dinner together. It will be very very nice.

Now, since the last post a lot has happened..well kindof. I basically been working, but I will be laid off for the next two weeks which will be somewhat nice. I can actually relax and work on my tan! - about time! - I am excited for it but then I am not because I won't have a paycheck aha. But oh well! Work has been going good. The bad thing is is that we don't have air conditioning in there so it gets a bit toasty on these hot days aha. At least I have a little fan blowing on me in my area, that comes in handy.

So, I been single for about 2 months now. I am the happiest I have been in a long time! I like being single there is no fighting about little stuff or anything and I can do what I want aha which is nice from time to time. Aaron and I are over (for good) and we are just friends. which I like it better than when we were together. He finally accepted it and its good now. I am very happy with my life at this point and its very nice. Things are looking up and I'm happy. Other than being single, I am starting to "talk" to this new guy. He is gorgeous aha. He's a very nice guy and laid back the best part is he can make me laugh. I love to laugh! Its weird because we have a lot of little things in common..and our personalities are similar too. He seems like a really great guy too. But we aren't rushing into anything just taking it day by day and seeing what will happen :)

Other than that...I'm getting some last minute things for school done with these two weeks off and then I should be set to go in the fall time!! I'm so ready to start school! I feel like a crazy lady!

That car thing fell through, -it wasn't meant to be- and I do not regret it. Yes, I wish I had a new car, but maybe within the next few months. I need to save up more money for it and find the lucky one for me! Hopefully everything will work out.

I am very thankful with how my life has turned out. I feel very grateful for everything that has happened to me, I wouldn't be the person who I am today if it weren't for what I been through. I am honestly so thankful for everyone and everything thats in my life!! thank you god for everything!♥

this is dedicated to my lovely mother & sister -

_Momma, you are my guardian angel by day and my super hero by night. You honestly mean more than the world to me! You have always been there for me when I need you most and always gives me the best advice to keep moving foward. I do not know what I would do without you in my life. I wouldn't be the smart, independent, strong woman I've grown into today if it weren't for you. I know you will always be there when I need you and I will always be here for you when you need me most. I love you so much momma!♥

_Amanda, you are my sister, partner in crime and best friend. You are always there for me when I need you most and are always someone I can talk to about anything. Honestly you mean more than the world to me! words cannot explain it. You are always the one who keeps me pushing me to do more. I will always be here when you need me most and I will always be there for you. I do not know what I would do without you in my life sis. I love you so much!♥

Well look it here !

So it has been forever !
I swear.

A lot has happened since the last post..well kindof haha.

First off, we moved into the new house..wait, that was in the last post! opps!
okay..umm..next we have me having a job, finally ! yay. but I'm getting a new one in january, i get to do more auto part inspecting, sounds fun huh ?
But i'm very happy about it cause I will be able to save up a crap ton of moneys for a new car, OH YEAH!, and um I'm going to try and get a chevy cobalt cause I don't want an old, little mustang anymore ahaha.

Secondly [is that a word?], Christmas is just around the corner and I am super excited. I'm just mainly happy for presents, but I do like spending time with the fam's and suchh.

Let's see..what else is happening..
well to be quite honest...NOTHINGGG is happeninggg! ahaha
well aaron and I are together still..its almost been a year !! well it will be a year on Febuary 4th!
hmm..eh, nothing else has been happening.

anywho, i suppose i'm done ahah

You should know things aren't always what they seem

I have quite the dilemma on my hands, I honestly do not know what I want to do for a career! I know many teenagers fresh out of high school have this situation and they always get through it, But I am having a rough time with it! haha
I was thinking either being a veterinarian or a dental hygienist. But then I started to think like do I really want to do one of these things? Then I started to think about being a nutritionist or a dietitian, but I've always wanted to become a veterinarian.
So! I am kind of stuck on what I would like to do and what college I should go to. I had my eyes set on Monroe Community College, also since we moved down here, but they don't have much courses to choose from. Also I was talking about it to my mom and she said well how about you try Wayne Community College. So I looked on there and they have more courses than Monroe but it will cost more since we don't live in Wayne County anymore.
I have a lot of thinking to do though. That is my conclusion on all of this haha!

Anyways, Graduation is in a couple of weeks which I am very excited about. I feel so relieved that I actually did it! I made it through high school without failing, for the most part haha!
But I am very excited for everything about to happen. I am ready to get out of high school and go to college and start on my way towards becoming a "real" adult.
The only thing that I am not so happy about is that Amanda (my sister) cannot make it to my graduation. Since now she lives with her boyfriend, Joel, out in Iowa and they have a lot of bills to pay but hey, it's life. I just wish she would be able to come out here for it. I would feel much better if she could. But I did tell her that she will definitely be here for my college graduation :p
Also she said she will be here for my graduation party, so hopefully she will. Because if she doesn't..then I will definitely be one pissed off girlie. :l

So some other things I just would like to rant and rave about is that well One; I need a JOB! I applied at petsmart, no answer..but it only has been a week..so maybe in a couple of days or so I will hear something :) *keeping my fingers crossed*
But also I am searching for jobs when I can. Right now I honestly can't unless I can apply for it online since I have no gas whatsoever to get from point A to point B. I just need to start making some money for things I need and want. I need gas first off to go places, and the things I would like are more tattoos, shoes, clothes and that's basically about it at the moment.
ahaha I like how I said tattoos first :p
Speaking of Tattoos, I really want a nice piece on my back. I am thinking either a Japanese cherry blossom tree or something else. It will be a pretty gnarly tattoo once its finished. Also another tattoo I would like is a bird on the inside of my calf/ankle plus I drew it so it will look pretty cool hahaha. Then I would like song lyrics going down my rib-cage. But I do not know if I could handle the pain there.
But I would like first get my foot tattoo finished. It looks so plain! I need someone who is amazing at doing tattoos also it needs a wee bit of fixing up..Soo yea.

Hmm what else is going to be happening..Well I am going to start working out again. (running and hardcore exercises) ahhaha. I need to loose weight, i am not happy with myself. But I will be starting that as soon as Thursday hits (that's when I get out of school) hahaha. I am pretty excited about it though. Also I am chopping my hair soon after graduation is done && over with. and dying it a total different color and doing some other stuff to it to make it cutee :)

ehh, i suppose I am done with this post. besides who reads it anyways?? 0.o hahaha!

Oh Goodness my mind has slipped..

The past two days been very chill and content.

Yesterfuckinday, Me and Kt chilled..like normally. We were at her house, and pretty much was on stickam with Bryan[thelion]; James and Jon.

But before they all came in this kid came in and sang to us..and told us he was a pirate. He was quite intresting..then he left after he said that. aha.

Then they all came in, We talked to them til like literally 3:oo in the morning then we got off the computer after entertaing Bryan. aha.

We were just sitting there with our shirts up, it was quite intresting..you may never know what XXL Monsters will do to us. =p

Then Today...was a very lazy day. Kay Me and Katie slept til like 1:3o[p.m.] then got up. talked about how she piled the blankets on me like they were nothing then rolled over. ahah.

Then we both got up and ate some shizz. then went back to her room, Rocked out to some amazing music. then at like 3:3o we layed down and listening to Rediscover's new cd

[itsamazing]

we fell asleep. I kept waking up almost every half hour til I was fully awake, which was at like 6:oo today. My mom came and got me at like 8. then I got home, ate some dinner.

I went downstairs to watch Scarface with my mom and James. then he goes "well now how are we gonna do this?"
talking about smokin some weed. Kay dude, I know that you fuckin do it! I aint dumb! Like seriouslyy they try to make me and amanda think they don't do it. I KNOW THEY DO!

GAWD.

But my mom saw me roll my eyes and she was like "Well ifyou want to smoke it so bad then go upstairs" so he runs up there like theres no tomarrow. and then she goes up there.

He seriously gets on my nerves 90% of the time hes around. ugh..its annoying.

Then I just went to the computer and ingored em.

A little while laterz me and this kid was talking on the phone. he's quite entertaing..

but other than that..i'm quite bored right now and tired..even though I literally slept all fuckin dayyy.

I hate it.

well i think i'm done with this blog fer today.

You've gone too long without sleep.

I know you won't rest stressed,

so give up, just give up.

And don't say no to pills.

Ativin won't kill.