For the past couple days I have been kind of upset/sad. I honestly don't know why. It feels like somethings just have made me come to my breaking point and I just need to get them out. I don't think I'm depressed. I just been moody lately, I'll be happy for a while then something will happen and it will make me upset. The other night I cried myself to sleep, seems kinda pathetic huh? I just don't know if i'm moody because of my time of the month is coming up soon, I just really don't know. I decided to write a blog, hopefully this will help get some things off my chest. Where should I start? Well, I been feeling a bit distant from William, I'm not sure why either. (maybe its just me?) We haven't talked much today, just a couple texts here and there. But I think he really just wants to spend time with his mom. But something happened a couple weeks ago between him and I and it was a huge shot to my confidence. I'm not going to go in to detail as to what did happen, but I will talk about somethings. I went through his phone one morning, which I NEVER do because I always trusted him. I found him talking to his ex..and some things were said and it made me feel like a complete idiot! They were talking shit to each other something along the lines of "ohh you wish I didn't have a girlfriend so you can be with me" and then it kindof turned into him asking her for a photo of her and she kept saying "will you have a girlfriend." but the woman sent him a photo, yes it was of just her face..but still...After reading everything I just sat there in shock..I honestly couldn't believe it. I started to cry and feel like an idiot. I honestly couldn't look at him..I just didn't want to be around him. I called Katie and started crying some more and he came running into the room with a look on his face like "oh my god! whats going on!?" I got off the phone and started yelling at him..He honestly doesn't know how horrible that made me feel. It was such a HUGE shot to my ego, made me keep asking myself "what does he really think of me?", "does he even want to be with me?" I honestly still don't trust him fully...I can't..at least not right now..After a long talk with thim the next night, I decided to take him back and to work things out. I told him to never, ever speak to her again and to delete her off his facebook. He did. He kept saying that he's willing to do whatever it takes to show me that he wants to be with me...I believe in my heart that one day I will be able to fully trust him again..I just don't know when that will happen. I know its going to take time for me to fully get over this too. I would love for things to be back the way they were, but it won't be the same for a while. I know it won't...Its just going to take us time.
Honestly, I know I don't have much confidence to begin with. But this just truly hurt me. Being told I'm fat, I need to lose weight, I'm ugly..and being compared to my sister my entire life really hasn't made it any better. I honestly don't think I'm that pretty, I still think I should lose at least 10 to 15 more pounds..I'm hoping one day I will gain more confidence than I have now.
I really just have been in a mood for the past week. I don't know why. I haven't really been this sad in a while..and I just really want to know why!
ON THE BETTER SIDE;;
I finally got a new car! I got a '07 Chevy Cobalt and its all white. I absoluetly love this car. Its so much better than my old one ahaha! Plus its more reliable than the mustang too, which is the good thing. I have just been working and such, nothing too new really. I'm not really sure what else to put in this blog either...Hmm..I'm kind of in a blah mood right now. I think i'm just gonna stop writing this one and keep on watching movies for the rest of the night ahahha! The Time Travler's wife is on, I watched this movie a couple weekends ago, its so sad. But its a good movie though. The Notebook was on earlier. I seriously am in love with that movie. Its just so romantic and such a good story too. I want to read that book and the time travler's wife too..I plan to buy them very soon so I can start to read them. I should clean Pheobe's cage too, it needs to be done ahaha..I'll do that in a little bit. Speaking of her, she's doing well, she's getting big too! She's a growing girlie. The other day when I had her downstairs and I was at work she fell off of her perch ahahahhaha! I wish I was there to see it..Amanda said she was falling asleep and sliding down it and fell off of it ahah! awe the good thing is that she's okay though.
I have a great idea for Will's birthday! I am so excited for it too! His birthday is next sunday (June 10th) He will be turning the big 23!! Andrew and I are surprising him with a dinner on saturday night and then taking him to the bar to hang with friends and party for his birthday. He doesn't know anything about it and we are trying to keep it that way! I plan on buying him a new hat which Andrew is helping me pick it out, because Will is very picky about them and my second gift is the computer game Diablo 3. He will be super stoked when he gets them. I think it will make his day because he's been wanting this game for a long time. I know he will be happy after it all happens. I'm super happy to be doing it for him too! I'm actually excited and can't wait until then either.
Well I think i'm going to get off of here and relax for the rest of the night.
G'nighttt<3
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