A penny for my thoughts.



For the past couple days I have been kind of upset/sad. I honestly don't know why. It feels like somethings just have made me come to my breaking point and I just need to get them out. I don't think I'm depressed. I just been moody lately, I'll be happy for a while then something will happen and it will make me upset. The other night I cried myself to sleep, seems kinda pathetic huh? I just don't know if i'm moody because of my time of the month is coming up soon, I just really don't know. I decided to write a blog, hopefully this will help get some things off my chest. Where should I start? Well, I been feeling a bit distant from William, I'm not sure why either. (maybe its just me?) We haven't talked much today, just a couple texts here and there. But I think he really just wants to spend time with his mom. But something happened a couple weeks ago between him and I and it was a huge shot to my confidence. I'm not going to go in to detail as to what did happen, but I will talk about somethings. I went through his phone one morning, which I NEVER do because I always trusted him. I found him talking to his ex..and some things were said and it made me feel like a complete idiot! They were talking shit to each other something along the lines of "ohh you wish I didn't have a girlfriend so you can be with me" and then it kindof turned into him asking her for a photo of her and she kept saying "will you have a girlfriend." but the woman sent him a photo, yes it was of just her face..but still...After reading everything I just sat there in shock..I honestly couldn't believe it. I started to cry and feel like an idiot. I honestly couldn't look at him..I just didn't want to be around him. I called Katie and started crying some more and he came running into the room with a look on his face like "oh my god! whats going on!?" I got off the phone and started yelling at him..He honestly doesn't know how horrible that made me feel. It was such a HUGE shot to my ego, made me keep asking myself "what does he really think of me?", "does he even want to be with me?" I honestly still don't trust him fully...I can't..at least not right now..After a long talk with thim the next night, I decided to take him back and to work things out. I told him to never, ever speak to her again and to delete her off his facebook. He did. He kept saying that he's willing to do whatever it takes to show me that he wants to be with me...I believe in my heart that one day I will be able to fully trust him again..I just don't know when that will happen. I know its going to take time for me to fully get over this too. I would love for things to be back the way they were, but it won't be the same for a while. I know it won't...Its just going to take us time.

Honestly, I know I don't have much confidence to begin with. But this just truly hurt me. Being told I'm fat, I need to lose weight, I'm ugly..and being compared to my sister my entire life really hasn't made it any better. I honestly don't think I'm that pretty, I still think I should lose at least 10 to 15 more pounds..I'm hoping one day I will gain more confidence than I have now.

I really just have been in a mood for the past week. I don't know why. I haven't really been this sad in a while..and I just really want to know why!

ON THE BETTER SIDE;;

I finally got a new car! I got a '07 Chevy Cobalt and its all white. I absoluetly love this car. Its so much better than my old one ahaha! Plus its more reliable than the mustang too, which is the good thing. I have just been working and such, nothing too new really. I'm not really sure what else to put in this blog either...Hmm..I'm kind of in a blah mood right now. I think i'm just gonna stop writing this one and keep on watching movies for the rest of the night ahahha! The Time Travler's wife is on, I watched this movie a couple weekends ago, its so sad. But its a good movie though. The Notebook was on earlier. I seriously am in love with that movie. Its just so romantic and such a good story too. I want to read that book and the time travler's wife too..I plan to buy them very soon so I can start to read them. I should clean Pheobe's cage too, it needs to be done ahaha..I'll do that in a little bit. Speaking of her, she's doing well, she's getting big too! She's a growing girlie. The other day when I had her downstairs and I was at work she fell off of her perch ahahahhaha! I wish I was there to see it..Amanda said she was falling asleep and sliding down it and fell off of it ahah! awe the good thing is that she's okay though.

I have a great idea for Will's birthday! I am so excited for it too! His birthday is next sunday (June 10th) He will be turning the big 23!! Andrew and I are surprising him with a dinner on saturday night and then taking him to the bar to hang with friends and party for his birthday. He doesn't know anything about it and we are trying to keep it that way! I plan on buying him a new hat which Andrew is helping me pick it out, because Will is very picky about them and my second gift is the computer game Diablo 3. He will be super stoked when he gets them. I think it will make his day because he's been wanting this game for a long time. I know he will be happy after it all happens. I'm super happy to be doing it for him too! I'm actually excited and can't wait until then either.

Well I think i'm going to get off of here and relax for the rest of the night.

G'nighttt<3



Change of plans..

Well, today is the day I was supposed to be jumping for joy about getting this new car..well that didn't happen. Its complete bullshit how that car place did this whole procedure..its just ridiculous. Now, two weeks ago I went in there and this guy said "Oh you will be getting this car (08 dodge caliber) and all I need is proof of insurance and then another 500$ down then the car is yours. We all agreed on it and so did the manager. Well, last week I blew my whole check on this damn car insurance, mind you, I don't even own the car yet! ..I got the insurance all settled and then called the guy thursday and made sure that they got everything faxed over there and the guy said yes and that we will see him tomorrow (friday)..
Well, today came..and I'm all geeked up because I'm getting a freaking new car and it just didn't happen. The manager (jake) came out and said, "well there is a slight change in plans..the caliber got sold last week..but we will find you a car today." then he walked away.
My mom and I just sat there looking at each other like "what the hell?..really?!" Sooo, the manager came out saying he had this O4 Pontiac Grand Am (just like my sisters car & thats sitting in our garage all broke) We walked to the back of the dealership and there it was, same body style like my sister's and everything. I looked at mom and she just was shaking her head.
The guy was all stoked about it and trying to push us into buying it. Mom looked at me and I was just all annoyed with everything at that point and she looked back at the manager and said "No, she's not going to be paying a $320 car payment for a piece of shit like this." and he just at us all appauled and he looked at me I said "No, I don't want this car. I am not paying that either." then He said "Well there is this Chevy Cobalt, but nothing is finalized yet and thats all I can tell you." ..My mom looked at me and said "well sis, what do you want to do..?" I stood there stairing at the car and back at her and said "Well, lets just wait. If I can get the cobalt, cool. If not, then no." So we walked back to my mustang and stood there. The manager just took off because "he had other sales to take care of"...I thought that was bullshit. He shouldn't have just walked away. You're the dang manager! what the hell.
It was pointless, I just stood there..Yes I wouldn't mind taking the dang cobalt, I've always wanted one..but I did not like how that guy treated my mom and I. So, after she asked me what I would like to do again, I just said lets get out of here and figure something else out. We got into my car and this other sales man ran up to us asking if everything is okay and what all happened. We explained to him how the manager treated us and said it was unacceptable. He said "I know that was rude of him, but let me see what I can do. I'll do my homework see what we can do and figure something out for you okay?" We agreed and I gave him my number. He said he will call within an hour. Still haven't heard from him yet. I need to call Geico tomorrow and get that policy cancelled. This is just ridiculous. I best get remburst my money..thats all I'm saying.

I've been super aggervated all day today. I wasn't happy with the out come that happened. I was really looking foward to a new car. But my mom and I talked about it the whole ride home and she said "Sis, it just wasn't meant to be. Dont' worry, someday it will all work out for you. Trust me"....But she does have a point there. I believe that one day it will work out for me, I just hope its sometime soon. I don't like relying on anyone to take me to a place or pick me up from somewhere. I just dont like it. I've always been an independent person who does stuff on thier own..But I'm just going to have to suck it up. I have a wonderful boyfriend (William) Who is willing to take me to and from places with no questions asked. I really appriecate what he has done for me within the past couple of weeks. I cannot thank him enough. He's truely an amazing person, inside and out. I am very blessed to have him in my life. He's means the world to me<3

Anywho, Sooo! My plan is to wait a little bit longer. Get everything figured out at home and all sorted out. Then save up a little bit for a down payment and then just go search for a car. I'm hoping this will work...if it doesn't..I'm not sure what else to do! sheesh. Also, keep building my credit up too!
Hmm...I dunno. My mom has a friend who works at Dick Genthe Chevy and I'm hoping maybe he can help us out with something..If that happens, I may be able to get a cobalt or a used sonic! woo! I would love to get that car, its such a cute one :)
Well I'm not going to get my hopes up anytime soon. Well I should get off of here, I am surprising (kinda) will a "thank-you" dinner tonight. I need to get to the grocery store to get a couple of things hehe..even though he kinda knows about it. But I think it would be a nice thing to do. Its something I'm doing for him for all the things he has done for me in the past nine months while together :))